Meet our test family: none of them exist

Why do we test on made-up people?

A card that stars someone has to look like them, so every idea gets tried many times before it ships. Doing that with a real person's photo would be creepy, and doing it with yours is something we don't do: your photos stay private, are never used to train AI, and are deleted after 30 days unless you keep the card. The details are on our about page.

So we made a family. Each member started as one written line, like “an 82-year-old grandfather, bald on top, big ears, thick-framed glasses, plaid flannel shirt, in an armchair,” and became an ordinary snapshot, slightly crooked, like the photo you actually have of your dad.

They cover what real photos bring: glasses, braces, freckles, box braids, a receding hairline, one floppy corgi ear. After more than 2,000 graded takes, we know each one by heart.

The grown-ups: Walter, Mei, Denise, Dave and Sofia

Walter, 82, has worn a tiara at his granddaughter's tea party, gone full rainbow clown, had his jersey number retired in a packed arena and starred in a video call that is 90% forehead. Early skydiving takes gave him a mustache he never had.

Mei, 76, is our rock star, a skydiver whose candle won't go out and a talk-show host flinging candles at her audience. About half of the graded takes of Walter and Mei came back looking younger, which is why our prompts say it plainly: nobody gets older, younger, thinner or prettier.

Denise, 58, turned 50 in a wine cellar with her face on the bottle's label and 60 on a pickleball court. Her reading glasses, pushed up on her head, are the hardest test in the family: one take dropped them, another stacked a tiara on top. Goat yoga taught us that a bowed head loses the face, so she kneels upright and the goat does the yoga.

Dave, 38, has been a cake of his own head, the calm man in a burning kitchen, the only suspect in Who Ate the Last Slice? and the guy popping out of the cake. Takes keep giving him more hair, and the grader keeps flagging it.

Sofia, 30, held a funeral for her twenties, got buried in balloons and played a shrimp in a thank-you card. Sofia and Dave, who have never met, play a couple on four cards. Walter and Mei got married on one.

The kids: Layla, Kenji, Zuri, Mateo, Leo, Anaya and Malik

Layla, 13, braces and all, tested a pop-star stage, and the takes kept renaming her: Sophia in one, Sara in another. Two meme cards were made on her photo, and neither is live yet. She'd say that's so typical.

Kenji, 10, gets his name on a giant screen in Level Up. The first trophy came out shaped like a real game controller, so now it's a plain star cup. One take gave him a third arm to hold it.

Zuri, 10, opened a birthday box with a puppy in it and laughs in the corner of Grandpa's video call. Her drone show first put her on a city rooftop at dusk; a safety filter said no, so she watches from a park hill.

Mateo, 7, rides a dinosaur, jumps a monster truck over a row of cakes and scores with a team of golden retrievers. His dinosaur has to grin and never look scary, and one take gave it two heads anyway.

Leo, 4, is Captain Birthday, a pirate and a knight with a tiny dragon. His plane card once drew a second plane behind him, so the prompt now says one airplane. Another banner wished him a happy Birthy.

Anaya, 4, has the tea party where Grandpa wears the tiara, a card whose rule is that the child is never the joke. Her first superhero suit came out blue with a red cape, far too close to a famous hero, so hers is teal, orange and purple with a star.

Malik, 2, flies a toy plane with his name on the nose and lies under six puppies in party hats. The puppy rule: the pile never covers his face.

The pets: Biscuit and Mochi

Biscuit, 3, a corgi, drives Santa's sleigh in The Family Reindeer and hides from fireworks in a blanket fort. His floppy ear is the likeness test: lose it and he's just a corgi.

Mochi, 5, a tabby, is royalty in Their Meowjesty and a strict nurse in Nurse Whiskers, where one take drew a red cross on her cap. That symbol is protected, so her cap is plain. On her cake card, the candles stay on the far side, away from the whiskers.

And a dog nobody invited wandered into 63 of our graded takes, from Sofia's balloons to Mochi's oil portrait. It never got a card of its own.

The rules the test family taught us

Someone in this family suffered for every rule below. The first photo you add is always the star, and anyone else joins the scene. Your own person gets the same rules on our birthday cards, our Christmas cards and everything in between, and seven more card stories are in birthday card ideas.

• Exactly the people in your photos, nobody added or left out. A roller-coaster take seated Sofia twice.
• No words drawn into the picture unless we spell them out. Your message goes on the card under the picture.
• Nobody gets older, younger, thinner or prettier. Walter's wrinkles are part of Walter.
• Everyone stays human, on two legs. An early Christmas test put a grandma's face on a reindeer.
• The face stays up and clear: no bowed heads, no puppies over faces, frosting on the nose only.
• Kids' cards stay kind: friendly dinosaurs, playful posters, no handcuffs.
• Videos have party sound effects only. Nobody speaks or sings, no new people walk in, nothing morphs.